I absolutely lose it sometimes

I am not a patient person. I like to be left alone with my own thoughts and I value being given space. As a blind person, this means I absolutely lose my shit sometimes because the average member of the public is incapable of recognising that when interacting with someone like me, the usual social norms still apply.

I was walking along the pavement this morning and I encountered some scaffolding. This is a pretty standard experience in Brighton. In a situation like this, I can either go to the left or right. Unlike a sighted person, I can’t look to see which will be better, so I have to pick a direction and then go back if it isn’t the best option. I picked the right, and once I’d taken a few steps I decided that heading to my left would be a better course.

Out of nowhere, someone grabbed my arm. This is the sort of behaviour that will send me from zero to a hundred. I’m in no danger in this situation, and there is absolutely no reason to touch me. I will not be convinced otherwise, so it is pointless trying.

I told the person to get off me, and our conversation went something like this.

“Stop touching me.”

“Sorry, I’m helping.”

“No, stop.”

“You need to go right, go right.”

“Stop.”

“You need to go to your right.”

“Will you just go away.”

“Sorry, but you need to go to your right.”

“You need to leave me alone right now. Also,” and at this point I gestured with my arm “the direction you are telling me I should go in is actually my left, not right. So you don’t even know your directions.”

Look, I get that I had initially picked the wrong side. But I was about to backtrack but didn’t even get the chance because their hands were all over me. And it is particularly infuriating to have a sighted person swoop in with unsolicited advice, when they don’t even know their left from their right.

I sometimes feel like standing in the middle of the street and screaming “FUCK OFF!!!” at the top of my lungs. I am aware this is not a reasonable reaction and would also not do that.

My god, people really do test me. Yes I know there are blind people who are so used to being yelled at, bossed around, and generally manhandled they’ve come to accept it. I’d probably have a quieter life if I could do that. But why? When it wouldn’t be ok to do it to anyone else.

I long for the kind of invisibility that comes with being perceived as non-disabled. I would love to go for a walk without people touching me or telling me where I should be going, or asking me questions about my blindness. It is so ironic that walking is often seen as a way of preserving your mental health, when often the interactions I have end up pissing me off and making me feel worse.