Like most people, I’ve been watching the Conservative party leadership contest with interest. I want to stay informed. I want to care about this country and what will happen to it. I am also so very tired of politics. Not just this contest, but all of it. I am tired of this dreadful, ugly world….
Category: Thoughts
The things I’ve lost
There is loss in transition. Sometimes I feel like I should not speak these words, or type them, or put them to paper. I know that if I do, they will be used against myself and others. There are people waiting, circling like vultures, desperate for any sign that we regret who we are and…
Grief is not a race to be won
It will soon be eight months since my mum died. It will soon be six months since my retired guide dog died. I count the months without even meaning to, but the way I feel grief has changed in the time that has gone by. In a way it is less raw. But describing it…
The Twenties Grief Club
There is a group of people stuck in a kind of limbo. Not quite grown-up, not quite a child. It’s a criticism that has been levelled at many people in their twenties in recent years. We aren’t responsible enough. We rely too much on our parents. But what about those of us who have lost…
Can I Touch the World?
When you’re sighted, there is so much to see. I know this sounds obvious when it’s written like this, but for many people it’s just something they take for granted. Words are everywhere. Photos are everywhere. They can see animals they’ve never interacted with by looking at pictures in books or watching shows about them…
Finding my Way Through the Years
I started to write this blog eleven years ago, when I was coming to the end of a tumultuous first year in a mainstream sixth form, after spending the first five years of secondary school at a blind school. I had recently turned seventeen and was filled with insecurities. I had high hopes for my…
What Does it Mean to Forge a Body? Autonomy through Disability Cures and Gender Transition
I’ve always resisted the idea of a cure for my blindness. I’ve been asked about it plenty of times, shrugging off the possibility with an “it won’t happen for ages,” or “I’m just not interested,” when asked about it in person. My writing has delved even further into my feelings. How it makes me anxious,…
Isla
It’s been three and a half weeks, and I’m still not sure I have the words in me to write this post. On the 21st of December 2021, my retired guide dog was put to sleep after being diagnosed with cancer. She was only ill for a very short time, but the tumour was very…
Coming Out and Feeling Lost
I haven’t written much about being trans, really. Partly because it feels so personal in a way that blindness does not, so I’m not really sure what I want people to know and what I want to keep to myself. But also because coming out has inherently involved other people. Each time I come out,…
Something about Grief
It’s been six weeks. I’m counting. Of course I’m counting. When will I stop counting? Will it turn to months, and then years? Will I eventually move through another week without realising it’s gone? It’s like I’m supposed to have recovered by now. People want me to go out and be normal. And I am….