You Have ADHD Part 4: Starting Medication

In my last post, where I talked about getting an ADHD diagnosis, I mentioned that I would be starting medication soon. I’ve now been on the medication for 6 weeks or so, though it’s difficult to keep track of the time so I can’t be exactly sure.

I’ve noticed a few changes. Before I get into that, taking medication doesn’t mean you suddenly don’t have ADHD. In my admittedly limited experience, you are still going to struggle with completing tasks and keeping your focus on the things that you need to do. I want people to know this because I think where mental health is concerned, or any condition that relates to your brain, people have this idea that taking medication can fix everything. It doesn’t and for the most part can’t, but what it can do is help you.

I find that when I’ve taken my medication I’m more able to tell myself that a task needs doing and then get up and do it. It’s easier to remind myself that I need to do the laundry and then to stand up, pick up my laundry basket, take it to the washing machine and put it in. Beforehand I’d sit on my bed, stuck in a loop of thinking I needed to do it and my brain refusing to let my body act on it. This is a really positive development and one that I hope continues. It isn’t the case all of the time though. There are still tasks I just can’t do, and those aren’t necessarily the same tasks from day to day so it’s difficult for me to work out why this is.

My ability to tell myself I need to do something and then do it means I’m more able to put appointments in my calendar. This is so important because without doing so I’m still going to forget what I need to do. I can’t seem to hold even a basic schedule in my head which isn’t unexpected but is still disappointing. I’d hoped my recall might have improved but it doesn’t seem to have changed much. So I need to use the focus I have to put systems in place, like calendars and reminders, that will help the aspects of my ADHD that seem unchanged.

My mood feels a little less unpredictable which is really nice. It’s hard to tell if the medication itself is improving my mood, or if my increased productivity is having a positive impact on it because I’m feeling less anxious and guilty overall. Either way I’m happy with it and I’d like it to continue. There have been a few days where I’ve forgotten to take the medication and my mood seems to drop pretty quickly, throwing me into a feeling of depression. It’s then hard to get out of it, because I lose motivation to care about anything including feeling better. So that’s something to watch out for.

I’ve completed more of my dissertation since starting meds than I had in literally months before it. This is another thing that’s difficult to attribute to the medication completely because I was struggling with, and still am struggling with, grief and the affects of that. But I do think it has helped give me that little push to get started. I also find that once I’m sat somewhere and start working it’s easier to sustain my focus on the task at hand. I can work for an hour or more without absolutely needing to take a break and am able to read journal articles more easily without getting distracted.

Holding conversations is still difficult. I still feel the urge to interrupt and it’s very difficult not to. I also find that I do still drift off sometimes and struggle to keep my focus on what the person is saying. So that’s an area that needs some work.

Having said that, regarding impulsiveness overall I think I’ve been a little better. Again, it’s not going to go away but I’m more able to ask myself if a decision is really a good idea, and even a few seconds more to think about it can make a huge difference. I’ve found myself saying no to things that would be fun, but that would also keep me out late and distract me from doing my work the next day, which is really good.

So it’s a really mixed bag. I should have a review with my psychiatrist soon where we’ll talk about all of this. He’ll either keep me on the medication I’m on or try switching it up depending on what he thinks might help. I have no experience in this area so I’ve no idea what to expect. But I trust him to help me work out what will be best for me. I do think there have been some positive developments and there are also some areas that still need work. But it may be that this is the maximum benefit I’m going to get from medication, and the rest are things I’m going to have to develop strategies to cope with. Either way I don’t regret starting it because even small improvements can make a big difference.

Other posts in this series

• You Have ADHD part 1: Life Before Diagnosis
• You Have ADHD part 2: Hyperfocus
• You Have ADHD Part 3: Journey to Diagnosis