Living in chaos

Who would have thought that having a chunk of flesh from both sides of your chest removed would hurt? Everyone except me, apparently. I went in for a small revision to my top surgery yesterday. It was a comparatively small process, when you consider the original surgery. I was awake for this one, and because of this, I’d somehow convinced myself that I’d skip out of theatre and feel absolutely fine, with a minimal recovery period.

Turns out I was very wrong, which just about anyone else on earth could have foreseen. I was supposed to head down to Brighton today to pick up my house keys in preparation for the move next week. Am I feeling like spending eight hours on trains today? No I am not. So last night I franticly messaged the one person I know in the area, asking if they’d mind getting my keys for me. I can’t pick them up next week as the letting agent is on holiday, and I’ve already scheduled the movers. Thankfully, she agreed to look after them for me.

I’m not sure what possessed me to have surgery the week before moving house, but this is so typical of the state of chaos I tend to live in, there is really no point in questioning it. Last time I moved house, I had surgery a week or so after moving. Why not keep up with this ridiculous trend.

I’ve spent the day in bed, trying to make a dent in all the admin jobs I’ve been dutifully ignoring for the last few months. At least I made the decision to get started on packing well in advance of my move, which means I only have a few more things that need to be packed, and none of them are heavy. I can give myself a couple of days to get over the pain before I pack up the last few bits this weekend.

It’s hard to articulate how I feel now the top surgery process is well and truly over. I want to dedicate time to write about it in more detail, because I feel a whole mix of emotions. These are good emotions, but it’s still a lot to process and try and put into words.

I cannot wait until I’ve moved, unpacked, and can then enjoy the two or so weeks between moving in and starting my new job. It feels like I’ve been gifted a little holiday. Admittedly one where I don’t get paid, but I’ll take it. I feel like I need some time to myself to go for walks and read books. Right now, everything feels chaotic and in motion. I am absolutely desperate for some moments of peace, where I feel really settled and can enjoy some time with my own thoughts. I suppose we’ll have to see if that actually happens.