Being happier

I’ve been trying to build good habits this year, which is harder than it has any right to be. I realised that I spend hours of my time mindlessly scrolling through social media, which doesn’t seem to be a particularly productive or even enjoyable use of my time on earth. I’ll notice that my phone is in my hand and a social media app is open before I seem to have made the conscious decision to do so. Given that I already have a fairly limited attention span, the constant jump between post after post doesn’t seem to be doing anything good for it. I’ve noticed that if anything, I am less and less able to concentrate for any length of time.

So in response I’ve set limits on my phone so that I can’t access social media apps for more than 30 minutes a day. Not 30 minutes for each app, but 30 minutes in total. I’ve excluded WhatsApp from this because I use that to have conversations with people rather than for mindless scrolling. Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, and Bluesky are in there though. It’s ironic really that technology is both the problem and also the way I’m trying to solve it. Perhaps I’d be better off ditching a smartphone entirely, but there are so many uses for it I can’t bring myself to do that. I’m not going to pretend setting this limit has always worked. It’s possible to extend the time, or skip the block for that day, and I have done that sometimes. But where it has been useful is for drawing my attention to the fact that I’ve opened the app in the first place, which does make me stop and think about whether I really need to be scrolling right now.

I don’t like to be one of those people who blames technology for all the problems in the world. Technology has done a lot of good, and life is objectively better for most people than it was say a hundred years ago. However the constant bombardment of information, most of it useless and toxic, doesn’t feel healthy. It’s so hard to switch off because everything is happening all of the time, and we have constant access to it. Is it any wonder that many of us can’t focus for more than 30 seconds when we are swamped with fast-paced ads and short-form video content all of the time?

I feel like I’m having to retrain my brain to focus on the way I was easily able to five or ten years ago. Part of it is doubtless that I’m older, constantly tired, stressed by work and bills and adult life. But a big part is my constant need for something to keep myself busy, and the things I gravitate towards are only making the problem worse.

I went for a bike ride the other weekend. Including travel time and the ride itself, I was out of the house for over 10 hours. I didn’t feel bored in that time because I was doing something. I also hardly used my phone, except to check train times and order an Uber home from the station. Shock horror, going outside and interacting with other humans fulfils my need to do something without rotting my brain in the process. Maybe it is actually good for me.

There was a time when social media genuinely made my life better. I connected with people all over the world, had meaningful conversations, built lasting friendships, and learnt a lot of interesting information. But somewhere along the way it became filled with ads, people selling weird pyramid scheme treatments to their friends, and clickbait culture war shit. It doesn’t feel very fun anymore. Social media has gone from a place that feels like a gathering of friends except we all happen to be in a different country, to some kind of toxic trap where everyone secretly hates one another whilst simultaneously trying to be the most well-liked person in the room. Facebook makes me feel a bit like one of Pavlov’s dogs, with every like releasing a little bit of dopamine as I rush back for more.

So as well as a newly instituted time limit for social media I’ve been trying to channel my energy into good things. This includes growing a variety of plants, reading, learning to play chess, trying to reduce the number of possessions I own, and exercising, whether that’s going cycling or heading outside for a walk.

I keep telling myself I don’t like living in Leeds and would be happier if I moved somewhere else. Maybe that’s true. But I also haven’t tried to build a life here. I have a couple of friends from when I worked at Apple, and I’ve met people through goalball and cycling. But how often do I make plans with these people outside of these very specific activities? And have I tried joining a book club or something else that would encourage human interaction? No I have not. Part of it is that I really find new people very difficult and it’s much easier to think I’d be happier if I lived near the friends I’ve known for years. But surely, I can’t spend my entire life clinging to the friends I made as a teenager and avoid bringing anyone else into my life because it is hard for me to speak to people at first. It sounds ridiculous when I write it like this, and that’s because it is.

My goal isn’t to suddenly join a lot of different groups. I would hate that. To be honest, I probably wouldn’t go even if I did join something. But I can take my book to the library and read it there. I can walk to a coffee place and study for a bit. I can do things that involve being around new people without the pressure of walking into a huge group. I wrote a long list of things I can do, so that I can no longer tell myself there is nothing for me here. Not until I have at least tried.